Two Months and Going Strong

Where does the time go? On Monday Addison reached the two month mark! It seems like just yesterday I was going in to be induced. 

In the last month we have started falling in to somewhat of a routine. Addison is a good sleeper and a good eater. She is actually just a really good baby overall. She likes warm baths but doesn't like the lotion/dressing part after. She isn't a huge fan of tummy time but loves to lay on her activity mat and look in the mirror. She smiles, she coos and she warms my heart down to the core. 

We went to the pediatrician on Monday and she weighs 9lbs 12oz and is 22 and 3/4 inches long! She is holding her head up and right on track with where she should be. 

We don't see another doctor until December 5 when we go back to the cardiologist! 

Until then have a Happy Thanksgiving! We will enjoy ours for sure!

Happy One Month Birthday Addison!

 Gosh! Where has the time gone? 

Since the last time I blogged, I have sat down an uncountable number of times to write again and update everyone. I would start typing and then not have it in me. There was too much going on to delve into my emotional side and try to share how everything was going. I was slightly numb. I didn't want to go back in time and I wasn't ready to think about the next day until it got here. Well, since Addison is one month old today, I feel like I owe it to her to update on her story so she can look back but I also owe it to those of you who have been praying so boldly for our precious little girl. And man is she precious! 

So much has happened in the last couple of months so I will try to make it brief. 

We got our household goods from Italy when I was 35 weeks pregnant. God answered two prayer requests that day very clearly. We had prayed that the stuff would come before expected and if not early then at least before Addison arrived. Both happened. My mom came a few days later and worked her heart out to help us get moved in and settled. We also had help from other family and friends in those days with both the yard and putting together furniture. We could not have done it all without these people and I will be forever grateful. 

Although, I was stressed about moving in at that point in pregnancy, looking back it saved me from nights of stress and worry about Addison. The house took the focus off what was to come. I knew deep down that God had it all under control and I needed to hand it over to him. "Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It is wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life." Philippians 4: 6-7

In weeks after that, Winston and I continued to work on little house projects and I had my weekly appointments. I also had a beautiful baby shower given by very special friends. 

On the evening of September 8th, four days before my due date, I went in to be induced. The first 24 hours were boring and slow with only a little bit of pain. They didn't start Pitocin until 11:30 pm on the 9th but I was hoping that would finally speed the process up. They started at a very low dose and told me to get some sleep that night. With the help of some pain killers, sleep I did. I woke up at 5 am with intense contractions and from that point on things happened very quickly. There was no time for an epidural which is how I hoped it would work out but I had no birth plan and hadn't taken any birthing classes so I didn't know what would happen! God is good.
 

At 6:40 Addison was born with great color and strong lungs! They got her all set up and put the line in her belly button that would deliver the medicines she needed for her heart. They let me hold her briefly before she was taken to the Cardiovascular Intensive Care Unit. Winston went with her and watched as they did an echocardiogram, an EKG and took chest X-Rays. All was exactly like we thought and they estimated that they would do surgery in a few days. 

The days before surgery were all like a dream. Both a good dream and a nightmare. We had a beautiful healthy looking baby and I had an easy delivery and was recovering well. On the other hand, we had to leave that baby in an ICU surrounded by very sick babies. We heard so many different things from so many doctors. Some said she probably wouldn't come home before her second surgery and many wouldn't say much at all. I was prepared for the worst. At that point I did fully trust God and knew that I had to but reality is I am human and I was scared.

On Friday the 12th we heard that Addison would be having surgery on Monday the 15th. We still didn't know what procedure they would do but Dr. Fraser is one of the best so we knew it didn't matter what they did as long as he had the final say. 

Sunday the 14th Winston and I were both in the ICU when the doctors made their morning rounds. Things became real that morning when one of the doctors said "thank goodness she is having surgery tomorrow because she needs it". To me she looked just fine on the outside but on the inside things were not as they should be. His explanation was that they were fixing a surgical problem with medicine and it was time for surgery. Hearing that made me excited for the surgery to just get here already.

Winston and I went in at 6 am the morning of the 15th to get some good "cuddle" time with Addison before she went into surgery knowing we wouldn't be able to hold her for a while afterwards. That was a bittersweet morning. I knew it was time for the surgery and that would be the next step to getting her where she needed to be but watching your five day old baby be wheeled back to the OR for open heart surgery was beyond tough. That being said, God answered the prayers for peace. Once she went back I felt 100% at peace. She was in the best hands possible on earth and even bigger than those she was in the hands of our Lord and Savior. 

We were updated throughout on the day on how things were going. Addison went in around 8 where they started getting her prepped for everything. They did anesthesia and got her opened up. She was then put on heart/lung bypass. Dr. Fraser went in around noon and started the work on her heart. Addison's diagnosis is a double inlet left ventricle with VA discordance and arch hypoplasia. To fix this for now, Dr. Fraser did an aortic arch advancement, an atrial septectomy and a PA band placement. For those who might be curious what all of that means, google is a great resource and I have put a drawing of her heart before and after surgery. We got the last update around 3:30 that he was finished and she was doing great. I lost it. Dr. Fraser's nurse practitioner, Nancy, is the one who updated us and the person we had seen on a regular basis. In that moment she embraced me with a huge hug. I am so very thankful for her still.

We got to go in and see Addison around 4:30. It was a sight to see but I knew she was going to be just fine. From that point on, things were positive.

The next day Addison remained sedated but in stable condition. They removed her belly button lines that day.

Day two post op was a big day. She got her chest tubes and her dialysis tubes out and then they started to wake her up. Once she was awake they took out the breathing tube. It all went so smoothly and there were no complications. She also got to eat for the first time that day!

Day three, we got to hold her!

And so did Nona! 

And so did Gigi!

Things kept coming out and by Friday we got upgraded to a crib and then moved to the 15th floor where we had our own room and I became her main caregiver. I was so excited for that moment.

We stayed on the 15th floor until the following Thursday. During that time they monitored her weight to make sure she was growing and gaining. I also got to start something I didn't think we would be able to do: breast feed! I was so exhausted but on such a high those days as I watched Addison's progress. 

On Thursday September 25th we were officially discharged! This sweet baby was all ours and there would be no more middle of the night vitals checks or 6 am weigh ins. Let me tell you, I have enjoyed every minute of being at home. 

Today, on Addison's one month birthday, I am sitting on the couch snuggling a full bellied sleepy baby as I write. I am so incredibly blessed and so very thankful. We have lots of doctors appointments and a second and a third surgery in our near future but for now I am going to take in these special moments and remind myself that God has this. My job is not to worry but to trust.

To those of you who prayed and prayed on our behalf, thank you. Addison's nurse two days after surgery commented on how remarkably well she was doing. He then said "you must have a lot of people praying for her" and all I could do was nod and grin. We had so many people reach out and Addison would not be where she is right now if it weren't for all of the prayers. We were expecting a long hard recovery and a long stay in the hospital. Obviously that was not the case. God is good.

So for now I will continue to cuddle our sweet little angel.

For you created my inmost being; you knot me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
Psalm 139: 13-14

Finally Home and an Update on Addison's Heart

After weeks of waiting, we finally got orders to come back to Houston. We went through out processing everything that had just been in processed and got on a flight to come back to Houston. As you might imagine, the flight home was somewhat uncomfortable for me at 7 months pregnant but I made it! And it was worth it! We took a cab from the airport to the car dealership where we had put a car "on hold" since we had sold our second car before we left. That night we came over to see the house we had closed on a few days before. Thank goodness we actually liked it! We will really like it when all of our furniture comes back from Italy in mid August. A few days later I flew to Midland where I spent some much needed time with my family. Both my mom and Curtis came back to Houston with me the following week to help with some things at the house and also to be there for my first round of appointments at Texas Children's. What a blessing it was to have them here. 

Addison with her toe in her eye at 30 weeks

The first round of appointments at Texas Children's consisted of another echocardiogram of Addison's heart, a meeting with a cardiologist, an ultrasound, an appointment with a maternal fetal medicine specialist and a few days later an appointment with the cardiac surgeon. Let me start by saying that the whole process at the hospital the first day was amazing. I was blown away by the timeliness of the staff and the sincere care I felt by everyone we met. People were kind and made us all feel like individuals. We weren't just another case to them and that is something I don't think you would get everywhere. 

These appointments gave an update on how Addison is doing. We learned during the echocardiogram that her heart still has only one ventricle. Her specific case (only having the left ventricle) is very uncommon (.1% of all congenital heart defects) but they can still work with it. Another complication has come into play though. Her aorta—which supplies blood to her extremities—is very small. Right now it is not an issue because babies in utero have a tube that takes oxygenated blood to their extremities. This tube closes though within the first 24 hours of being born. So, when Addison decides to enter this world, she will start receiving PGE through an IV almost immediately and this will trick her heart into thinking she is still in utero and will keep the tube open. From there, she will be reevaluated and will most likely have open heart surgery within the first week of life. This is different from what we originally thought but I know now that nothing will be for sure until she is born. Even though medicine and technology are both very advanced, it is hard to measure anything perfectly on an active baby in utero. It is amazing to me they can measure anything in her heart at all!

This past Thursday, I went back for a second round of appointments. This time we talked to a neonatologist, a genetic counselor, had another sonogram and toured the Neonatal ICU and the Cardiovascular ICU. 

The neonatologist explained that when Addison is born, I will get to see her briefly. She will then be hooked up to whatever she needs to be hooked up to (oxygen, IV, etc.) and will be placed in an incubator. From there Winston will go with her to the NICU where she will get situated in her new home. Like I said earlier, she and her heart will be reevaluated and decisions will start being made about what will be done next. 

The NICU and CVICU tours were hard and emotionally draining. They made things very real. In both ICUs we saw babies of all sizes hooked up to different tubes, some on ventilators and all fighting for a chance at life. In just a few months we will be there with Addison and seeing what it will be like is hard to swallow. This was not part of my vision. Having my baby taken from me at birth and being hooked up to machines and taken away to a NICU is not what I had in mind when I first found out I was pregnant. But - I am so thankful. We could be in a place or time when they wouldn't even know she had a problem with her heart. I could be all alone without the support of family and friends. I could be a single mom wondering how I am going to pay for all of the upcoming medical bills. But that is not the case. We have some of the best doctors at our fingertips, all fully paid for by medical insurance provided to us by the Army. I have wonderful support of family and friends. I have a loving husband who is truly amazing. And more important than anything else, I have my faith in Jesus Christ. 

Addison at 32 weeks

At this point all we can do is pray. We are praying for miracles and know that God can perform them. We are praying for Addison to be a fighter. We are praying for doctors, surgeons and nurses to make the right choices. We are praying for peace. We ask you to please pray with us.

Euro Trip 2014

It was six weeks from the time we found out we were going to be coming back to the states to the time when we got orders that would actually get us back. In the scheme of things, six weeks doesn't seem like that long. In a foreign country, in an Army hotel with a sweet little pup who has no idea what is going on, six weeks can feel like an eternity. Those were some of the longest most hopeless days I have ever experienced. We were just waiting. They had given us a time we needed to be back for the sake of the pregnancy and travel but we were in the government's hands as to when we would actually get to come home. We needed to be in Vicenza during the week for the most part because Winston had to do a few things with making sure there was progress on our orders but other than that, there was nothing holding us there. So, we decided to travel. And travel we did! 

We started with a day trip to Venice. 

The next weekend we went for the night to Cinque Terre, Italy. Talk about a relaxing and beautiful place! We hiked, we ate, and we relaxed!

Hiking in Cinque Terre, Italy

The following week we took the train to Florence and then on to the Amalfi coast. These places were both amazing! 

We played serious tourist while in Florence. We did a walking tour and then had a guided tour of both the Uffizi gallery and Academia (where Michelangelo's David housed). We also ate our best meal of the whole trip here.

Looking out over Florence

While on the coast, we laid by the pool, took a day trip to Capri and once again, ate some delicious food.

View from Praiano, Italy

Boat trip to Capri

The next weekend we took a road trip from Vicenza to Salzburg, Austria, and then over to Garmisch, Germany. We made a stop along the way home to see the famous Neuschwanstein Castle. We took Beau along on this trip and enjoyed all of the cool mountain air.

Mirabell Gardens

Neuschwanstein Castle

The "Top of Germany"

The next weekend we took another road trip. This time we headed towards Croatia. We spent time on a quiet beach in Brela, then went and spent some time in Dubrovnik, and then spent a night at a palace in Split. All amazing and beautiful places.

Brela, Croatia

Dubrovnik, Croatia

Split, Croatia - where they have some serious guards

Our last weekend of traveling, we took a trip to Brussels, Belgium. While there we met up with one of Winston's childhood friends and his girlfriend. It too was a great weekend.

Some of you might have seen all the photos that Winston posted throughout our travels. I must brag on him a little because all of the trip planning and photo taking was his doing. I typically have a tendency to hide out and without him I might have done that. He made sure that the time we were "stuck" in Italy was not going to be wasted. There were points during our travel that I thought "I don't even care about any of this." I just wanted to come home. Now that I am back though, I am so thankful for his tedious planning and will never forget all of the beautiful places we got to see. I am one blessed girl. 

Blessings

The first couple of days after finding out about Addison's condition were so incredibly surreal. Just like with this blog (and a lot of things in life) I had this vision of how it would go when I had my first baby. I have wanted children since I can remember and when I was little I always told people that I wanted 100 girls and 10 boys. That has changed just a little but I still want a big family. That being said, finding out I was pregnant for the first time was incredibly exciting for me. My vision started almost immediately. I am sure that I am no different from most women but I started imagining when she would be born and how and what it would be like when she came home. The details are not relevant but let me just say, when I found out about her heart defect all those dreams came crashing down. Now, I know that nothing in life is guaranteed. I have suffered quite a bit of loss and seen a lot of heartache in my 25 years so I am fully aware of that. It goes back to the control issue though and trusting that whatever happens in life fits into a bigger plan created by God. I am still human so even though I have 100% faith in God's plan, I still don't always like the way things turn out and fight feelings of disappointment. With all of that, God always has a way of reminding you of his ever encompassing presence. 

When Winston found out that we were being sent back to the states, one of the first things he had to do was call his new commander and tell him that he would no longer be coming to work for him. From previous experience, Winston's commanders weren't always the most compassionate of people. Not to say they weren't nice but they never gave me the warm and fuzzies. Their wives didn't reach out much either. When Winston called his commander in Italy we had a totally different experience. There was an automatic concern from not only the commander but also his wife. They reached out immediately in a way that I will never forget and unless they read this, I don't know if they will understand how much their compassion really meant. That weekend that we were digesting all of our new news, they came over to the hotel on post and brought us lunch. They have three precious young girls that came to play on the playground and both the commander and his wife talked to us for  hours. We talked about anything and everything. They had had a similar experience with their middle daughter about 6 years ago and shared with us some of the emotion they had felt in finding that out. I felt cared for and cared about. Then, before they left, they shared that when they found out about their middle daughter, a friend of theirs had made a baby quilt with the verse they had been clinging to sewn on it. They had held on to the blanket but felt that it was time for it go to someone who needed it more and they wanted Addison to have it. The quilt is full of colors and in the middle on a small patch it reads: 

"For I know the plans I have for you" Jeremiah 19:11

Such a simple yet powerful verse. What the blanket says has the part of the story that I always remember. God has bigger plans for me, sometimes plans I don't like. What I always need to remember though is that the verse doesn't end there. These plans are "to prosper me and not to harm me. Plans to give me hope and a future." Even if I don't understand God's plans now, they are for my better. 

The commander and his wife shined light into our life that gloomy Saturday and to them I will be eternally grateful. I am also so thankful for God's continuous little ways of making sure we remember He is always present and that that will never change.

Decisions, Decisions, Decisions

Winston and I started researching children's hospitals right away when we got home Friday afternoon. We had been told that we could choose anywhere in the U.S. but it was recommended that we pick a place close to home so that there would be an automatic, built in support system. Because of that we limited our search to the larger children's hospitals in Texas and Colorado. It didn't take long for us to decide that Texas Children's Hospital in Houston was going to be our best choice. It was a gut feeling. One that as I write this two months later I am glad I went with. Winston is from Houston and we have great friends in the area. It isn't super close to Midland (my home town and location of my family) but there are direct Southwest flights and my parents do a lot of driving so a seven or eight hour car drive is doable for them. So we had chosen. Houston it is!

Now what? It was still the weekend and there was nothing we could do to actually start the process to get us to Houston so instead we started trying to find a place to live once we got there. Originally we started looking at rentals but quickly opened our options to also buying. We could either put money into a rental home with no equity or we could buy and make it an investment. Winston and I like house hunting anyway and have watched a lot of HGTV House Hunters in our day so we pulled up the real estate sites and started looking. Lucky for me, Winston had been watching the Houston market for quite some time. Before we got the Italy assignment he had been looking in case we ended up moving to Houston. When we got Italy he didn't turn off the Houston "in our budget, in neighborhoods we liked" alerts on the different sites. Well, that Friday it just so happened that a new house popped on the market that he hadn't seen yet. The house was located in Spring Branch West which is considered a transitional neighborhood but from Google street view it looked like a really nice place. The houses around it were all well taken care of and there was a nice park really close by. Long story short, a realtor friend of Winston's came to look at the house and walked through with us on FaceTime. I also had a dear friend whom I trust come walk through to get another opinion. Some might say we are crazy, but after a little bit of a bidding war we bought the house that weekend! We didn't know if we would be able to see it in person before we actually closed on it but we both knew that if it was meant to be then it would be. In a few days time, we chose Texas Children's and had bought a house. No need to waste any time! 

Where do we go from here?

It was Friday, May 9th and we had been processing Addison's heart condition since the evening before. We had scheduled a time to talk with the pediatrician on post to get his recommendation of what to do next and we also had an appointment to sign a lease on our new Italian home. We went to the lease signing first but informed the landlord, our realtor, and the military housing office of our new news and said that we had not discussed our options with the doctor yet and could possibly be leaving. Everyone was very understanding but I also think no one actually thought we would leave Italy for this. Not because it isn't a big deal but because they have doctors there who deal with pediatric heart conditions just like we do in the states.

We left from that meeting and headed in to meet with the pediatrician. I will never forget the look on his face when we sat down in his office. One of pity and deep concern. He knew our fate and that he was going to have to be the one to tell us. My first question was, "Where do we go from here?". His exact words were, "Well, you can kiss Italy goodbye." Winston and I had discussed that if he told us we were coming home that we would have him explain why. We weren't going to just except it and move on. So we did just that. Padua has a great pediatric hospital with a great pediatric cardiology center. They are just as capable there of fixing Addison's heart as the doctors are here. Some minor details though were that we were in Italy where we have no family and have not had a chance to learn the language. Just think about how overwhelming hospitals in the states can be when they do speak English everywhere. The language barrier adds a whole new dimension. Plus, like I said, we have no family it Italy. It isn't to say that we couldn't make friends and gain a good support system before she is born but there is something to be said about family and friends that are like family; people who know you and get you.

Winston's next question was "then, where are we going to go?" If Padua has a good heart center, we didn't want to come back to the states to be seen by a military doctor with no experience operating on infants. To our surprise, the doctor at the military clinic said there was no way he would ever send us to a military installation for this. We were going to choose based on where "home" is and where the best doctors are for our situation. He told us he wanted to do some research over the weekend and find a pediatric hospital where they do over 200 cardiac surgeries a year. We left his office with our new homework assignment. We called family to say we were coming home and we processed this new bit of information. We had been in Italy for two and a half weeks and we were coming home. God always has a bigger picture and it was time to trust that and know that we were in the best hands possible: those of our one and only creator and Savior.